In my family, the worst insult you could be called was “lazy.” At the dinner table, my father would frequently make disparaging comments about people he felt were lazy. The disgust and derision in his voice was evident.
As a child, I internalized this and received the message very clearly that lazy was a bad thing to be. When that word was directed at me, it brought up an icky feeling in my gut and my mood would plummet. In those moments, I thought I was a horrible person for not living up to the family standards.
Given this conditioned programming, it’s not surprising I grew up to place a high value on work and physical results. Once I graduated from college and got my first job, I became a workaholic. My career was my top priority at the expense of all other areas of my life – including health and friendships.
I went to great lengths to avoid any hint of being seen as lazy. I did not like those aspects of myself and pushed them into my shadow.
Shadow is a psychological term that describes those aspects of our being we find so painful and so awful that we deny.
But completely divorcing ourselves from these qualities is impossible. Anything we deny or resist has a large influence on our actions, often in detrimental ways. I would have continued to do everything in my power to prove to the world (and my parents) that I wasn’t lazy at the expense of my health and well-being.
When any aspect of our being lives in our shadow, we also close the door to the positive attributes of that trait.
As I walked my spiritual path and attended shamanic classes, I began to notice there were many aspects to what my parents thought of as laziness that were helpful – enjoying a work-life balance, taking a break after a period of busyness, and leaving work behind at the end of the workday.
I eventually realized that when the heavy energy of judgment was released around the word “lazy,” underneath it was a healthy ability to take care of myself, enjoy stillness, and connect with my being.
I no longer had to dive into the next large project immediately upon completion. I could take time to savor the achievement and celebrate before continuing on. I could go on vacation. And importantly for my spiritual path, I could take the time to freely engage in reflection and contemplation.
When we change our perspective and let go of the judgment around a shadow piece, its positive qualities are free to emerge.
A family where the daughters are taught to put everyone else’s needs above their own may have a shadow around selfishness, leading to unbalanced caretaking and codependency. If the heavy energy and judgment around selfishness were dropped, what might be reclaimed are the gifts of doing self-care, being open to receive from others, and the freedom to meet one’s own needs.
Rejecting any part of our natural beingness creates a dynamic similar to soul loss. As I healed my judgment around laziness and brought that piece out of my shadow, I was able to open further to my spiritual journey and connect with my soul in a way that allowed me to enjoy greater balance. My life is so much more joyful and loving having made this shift.
This work is real, and it matters.
February 3, 2022