A friend and I went to a holiday concert given by Shawndelle Marks last night. The performance touched my heart.
It wasn’t all Christmas music – there were other songs mixed in as well. Early on, she played Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen. This song never fails to move me. Whether it’s from a happy-go-lucky movie like Shrek or a monumental episode on The West Wing, this will elicit feelings.
From first familiar measures, I put my hand on my heart and allowed the music to wash over me. I surrendered and let the tears run down my face.
It continued. Some of my favorite songs were included in the first half of the evening – Dreams by Fleetwood Mac, O Holy Night, and Let It Be.
The set list took me deeper and deeper into my emotions, bringing me to a contemplative and slightly melancholy place and evoking grief about things that could have been, but weren’t..
Singing Silent Night brought up memories of sitting next to Mom at candlelight Christmas Eve services. It’s been two years since I’ve seen my mother – I did not go home last year because of the pandemic. It made me nostalgic for holidays past, and I felt the absence of my father who is no longer with us in the physical.
Between songs, Shawndelle shared a story with us. About ten years ago someone told her she sang too much sad music and asked her to only do happy songs in the future. She declined.
I’m glad. The musical selections from last evening took me on a beautiful tour of human emotions. This morning in the shower, another wave of sadness arose. And as yesterday, I allowed.
When we only only give ourselves permission to feel the more upbeat emotions, we are denying half of our human experience. Without sad, how can we know joy? Without loss, how can we embrace opportunities? Without grief, how can we fully understand love? I agree to feel all the feelings, because they are all part of the beauty of life.
This work is real, and it matters.
(This is probably sacrilegious, but I’m linking to the Jeff Buckley version of Hallelujah. With deep appreciation to Leonard Cohen for writing this beautiful song.)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8AWFf7EAc4&list=RDy8AWFf7EAc4&start_radio=1&rv=y8AWFf7EAc4&t=84
December 5, 2021