When I consciously began walking my spiritual path, one of the first pieces of personal healing to happen was around my need to apologize. A dear friend pointed out just how often I said “I’m sorry.” Once she mentioned this, it was in my awareness and I began to notice a pattern.
To any small perceived wrongdoing, I would say “I’m sorry.” In the moment that I dropped the piece of paper, spilled on the counter, or didn’t understand something someone said, my go-to response was “I’m sorry.”
My friend asked me two helpful questions – why was I apologizing? and what exactly was I apologizing for? I realized that I became very quick to say “I’m sorry” to excuse behavior that would have elicited a rebuke when I was growing up. My creative young self had developed a habit of over-apologizing in order to stay in my family’s good graces. This no longer served me. Every time I said the words, the energy of “I’m not good enough” flooded my system. This pattern was keeping me locked in a place of low self-esteem.
It felt really good to be liberated from this safety mechanism. There was much more freedom in my interactions with others.
Eventually I realized that I had been apologizing for existing, because none of the actions I had said “I’m sorry” about were anything I needed to excuse. I did not need to apologize for being human.
Several years ago, I was about ten minutes late meeting a friend to go for a hike due to an unforeseeable circumstance. I apologized for my tardiness. He shared wisdom that I will always remember. He said, “Did you do this to hurt me? Of course not, so you don’t need to apologize.” That brought another step forward in my understanding.
This morning when I saw this meme a friend had posted, it resonated with me. We do not need to apologize for being human, for following the call of our soul, or for taking care of ourselves. Everyone has these rights, and it is loving and compassionate to support others when they do the same.
This work is real, and it matters.
June 27, 2022