When we dislike someone, we often look for evidence of all the ways they are different than us. Our attention is naturally drawn to their beliefs, behaviors and attitudes we find uncomfortable. This increases our sense of separation and the feeling of divisiveness. How do we break this cycle?
By recognizing the ways we are alike, we acknowledge our shared humanity and begin to bridge the gap between us.
Think of a person you desire a closer relationship with, someone you feel “apart from” or “different than.” Challenge yourself to list at least five ways you’re similar.
The first several items might be obvious, such as having the same hair color or hobby. But if we push ourselves to go deeper, we might realize that we both care deeply for our families and are willing to make sacrifices for them. Or we might find a common bond in having lost a parent at a young age.
As we look for additional similarities, we slowly see that we all need to be loved, heard and acknowledged. We all feel joy and passion for our calling in life. We all have high hopes for the future generations. Although we may have diverging beliefs about how to do things, we likely hold some of the same underlying views of the world.
When we focus on our shared humanity, we come together. We realize we are not so different after all. And from a place of common understanding and a more open heart, we can begin to heal our relationship.