Early on in my shamanic practice, I was newly equipped with healing techniques and eager to use them. The softer side of working with people was more difficult for me, so I trained myself to be more empathetic in order to connect with my clients.
This did not come naturally at first, so I used a question. Whenever someone shared a challenge that was going on in their life, I would ask myself, “What might someone who is going through this be feeling or experiencing?”
This helped me relate better to others. Over time I no longer needed the question – empathizing with them came naturally.
In these divisive times we live in, I’m reminded of this tool. These days when I encounter someone with a vastly different perspective, once again I wonder, “What would a person in this situation with these views be experiencing or feeling right now?”
If we look underneath the surface, for instance, we find everyone has fear about something, even if it is a different flavor from ours.
We all are tired from the constant onslaught of difficulties.
We all are frustrated with politics.
We all want the pandemic to be done.
We all want our families and ourselves to be safe and do well in the world.
We all want to be healthy.
We all want to love and be loved.
We all want to leave a legacy for our children and grandchildren.
Noticing how we all want the same things helps me connect with our shared humanity no matter our political beliefs or our opinions on Covid, masking, and vaccines.
If you consciously wish to feel more compassionate towards someone, challenge yourself to notice five similarities. Go beneath the surface (such as we both have brown hair) to deeper common ground that touches the soul.
Noticing our similarities builds bridges instead of walls.
This is not an easy practice. When we’re triggered, we sometimes jump right to anger and fear in an instant. If we pause, put down our grounding cords and take a deep breath, we may be able to create enough calm and spaciousness to use this tool. I will be completely honest and admit that I’m not always successful. I do my best, but as we know, our “best” varies from day to day depending on how we’re feeling. It just matters that we try. Please be kind and gentle with yourself.
This work is real, and it matters.
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Noticing five similarities is adapted from a technique that Julie Tallard Johnson teaches in her book “Teen Psychic.” For empaths who have related too closely to someone else’s pain or suffering, we can purposely notice five differences. Doing this puts space between us and the other person and leads to healthier boundaries and staying centered in our own being.
October 20, 2021