We’ve all met energy vampires. They tell us a sad story placing themselves in the role of victim or underdog, and our compassionate hearts get involved. We listen and nurture them, often for hours at a time. They leave the interaction reenergized, while we feel drained.
Energy vampires don’t say it directly. They don’t ask, “I’m feeling low. Will you give me your energy?” If they did, we would pause and decide whether to participate. Instead, they approach it indirectly, playing to our emotions through nonverbal cues such as demeanor, tone of voice and body language. If their story resonates with us, we get hooked and fulfill their energetic request without conscious agreement.
This pattern shows up in more places than what we might originally realize. Some other examples of people trying to influence our emotions or energy against our will:
- the agitator wants us to get angry on their behalf
- the seducer wants our sexual energy
- the drama queen wants to create a scene and be the center of attention
- the victim wants us to rescue them or provide caretaking
- the martyr wants to sway us to their cause and is willing to sacrifice themselves to get it
We all desire the freedom and the power of choice. So if we are in agreement with using our emotions and energy on behalf of the other person, we can. The problem arises when the request comes indirectly or in an underhanded way, designed to influence us before we fully understand what we are being asked.
In situations where we are clearly not in agreement, we can maintain our center and protect ourselves by having strong boundaries. When we first sense their energy reaching out to ours, we can say either silently or out loud, “No, I don’t agree to this.” We may even put up our hand in a “stop” motion, palm out. Throughout the exchange, we repeat “I don’t agree to this” as necessary to strengthen our will and our resolve. The more aggressive the individual, the more likely we will need to state our boundary aloud. We stand firm until we can exit.
The result of using this tool: when it becomes apparent that we are not going to give them what they want, they often leave and go elsewhere to find someone who will meet their needs.