A friend and former vet tech posted this meme about reactive dogs. It resonated deeply with me. As I read the columns, it helped me understand the two different approaches.
The column on the right is filled with judgment about the dog. The dog is bad, it’s the dog’s fault, punish the dog harshly.
The column on the left is more compassionate and recognizes the dog is experiencing a stressor and how to help them feel safe.
Humans (both adults and children) are also reactive when our nervous systems are overwhelmed, whether it be from fear, emotion, or a trigger.
Each of us has our own unique stressors. What one person can easily manage may cause deep unease to another. Keeping this in mind helps us be more empathetic and kind to each other. Every one of us has past experiences that influence our nervous system to respond as it does. Before we rush to judgment (of both ourselves and others), it’s helpful to pause and remember this.
For any dog, child, or adult exhibiting this kind of reactivity, their nervous system is saying, “It’s too much!” Whether canine or human, they are not bad, they just chose a less skillful way of managing their body’s response. No one needs judgment that they are bad or too sensitive.
Learning to be accountable is an important step of maturing into adulthood. We learn that there are no free passes because there are consequences to our actions. Everyone can learn age-appropriate tools to help manage their response instead of taking their anger and aggression out on others.
Universally my shamanic healing clients ultimately wanted their parents to watch over their emotional and energetic well-being along with their physical safety.
When we are triggered in adulthood, we are often experiencing the fear of our inner child. Changing the language of the meme slightly, “Help your inner child cope by taking note of what triggers reactivity so you can work on helping them to create distance and respond in a different way.” This is the concept of reparenting – providing our adult selves with the loving guidance and support we wish we had as children.
The world would be a better place if we all learned to treat ourselves and others with the list of more compassionate result-oriented actions in column A. Isn’t this what we all really want?
This work is real, and it matters.
July 31, 2022