Some parents play favorites. They choose a child to be “the golden one.” This child can do no wrong.
Unfortunately when a family has decided that someone is “good,” there is often someone deemed “bad.” This other child is seen as unable to do anything right. All the perceived failings of the family are projected onto them and they become a pariah. If the dynamic is pronounced enough, the child labeled as the problem will leave or be kicked out of the family to make their way in the world alone.
This unhealthy pattern may become generational – a repeated thread carried in the lineage, replaying many times over centuries. (Its origins go back to the Bible, in stories about Cain and Abel and the prodigal son.)
In shamanic journeys, my helping spirits have shown me the repercussions that occur. The act of choosing a good child and a bad child is destabilizing to the family system. All of the children feel unsafe – certainly the unfavored child but also any other siblings who may be manipulated into being part of the abuse, even the favored child.
The ones who receive the abuse experience great pain and suffering. They often have low self-esteem from being told over and over again that they can’t do anything right. They might be bitter or angry about the unfairness of being blamed for things they didn’t do. They may carry a sense of unworthiness well into adulthood until they seek counseling or healing work. Because they are not given the same advantages afforded their siblings, they have no support and need to work hard for everything they receive. More than anything, they yearn for the connection of a loving family.
The other children don’t feel safe either, because they are well aware that their status in the family could shift with one wrong action. They may carefully edit their behavior (the feeling of walking on eggshells) to stay in the family’s good graces and curry favor to remain on the inside. Because they feel pressured to follow family norms and standards of behavior, they have less freedom. They may judge themselves harshly before anyone else notices and does it for them, becoming hyper self-critical.
No one feels safe. Everyone experiences a loss of connection. If there is no resolution, the next generation repeats the pain and suffering and the dysfunctional ways of relating to each other.
Ancestral healing work can help unravel these patterns. We track back into the lineage and locate the first occurrence. The divine compassionate ones release the red thread of heavy energy from the original wound down to the present time. Any lost or missing ancestral soul essence is then retrieved, healed, and returned to the family system. The ancestors, the current generations, and the generations yet to come all receive the blessing of the healing – a greater sense of love, connection, belonging, acceptance, and freedom.
This work is real, and it matters.
November 1, 2021