We all hold certain beliefs about ourselves and the world. These beliefs inform us and guide our actions. When we’ve chosen them consciously, we’re living an intentional life. But if they’re left over from childhood or absorbed unconsciously from our families and society, they may limit us.
For example, if we believe we’re not creative, we might hesitate when presented with a blank piece of paper and crayons. Instead of focusing on the fun of drawing a colorful picture, we play the tape in our mind that says, “I can’t do this, I’m not creative.” Part of our energy shuts down, and we lose an opportunity to express ourselves.
There is nothing inherently wrong with beliefs. They can be positive or negative, healthy or unhealthy, spacious or limiting. But when we no longer question our beliefs and automatically accept them as fact, they turn into agreements or contracts. We agree to act only in that manner, and the freedom of choice is gone – we allow only a small range of potential actions and responses, instead of choosing from a full range of possibilities.
Once we’re aware of agreements, we find them in a lot of places:
· in our view of ourselves: “Taking time for me is selfish.”
· in families: “Our family doesn’t handle money well.”
· in society: “It’s going to be a long time before the economy improves.”
· in roles: “I’m the peacekeeper in the family.”
· in gender roles: “Real men don’t cry.”
· in health: “Getting old sucks.”
Unfortunately, most of us hold many such beliefs. Because our beliefs create our reality, they tend to become self-fulfilling prophecies. Does it really serve us to believe that getting old sucks? Is that really the future we want to create for ourselves?
Beliefs often start innocently enough. Imagine this scenario. As a 5-year-old, we’re playing happily, enjoying ourselves with the typical gusto of a child. Unbeknownst to us, our infant sister is sleeping in the next room. She wakes up, crying. Our mother gets angry with us and says, “Be quiet! Children should be seen and not heard!” Because we want to keep our mother happy (and stay out of trouble!), we decide to be seen and not heard.
Years later, if we haven’t examined our childhood agreements, we’re still being quiet for fear of waking our (now grown) baby sister. We may have communication issues in our relationships, marriage, and career. What started out as a childhood defense mechanism to get along in our family and avoid punishment has become a limiting agreement.
Once we’ve identified an agreement that no longer serves us, we can use breathwork or energy healing techniques taught to us by a spiritual teacher to break that agreement. For some agreements, just recognizing that they’re limiting us begins the healing process.
We also want to set a new agreement or a new intention to guide us, something more positive and expansive than the old agreement. If for example, we are working on shifting our belief that the world is a place of scarcity and lack, our new agreement may be something along the lines of, “I welcome abundance in my life.”
Then we move forward in our lives, being conscious and aware. When the old agreement comes up, we pause and say, “I no longer agree to that,” then reinforce our new intention and move forward.
Some suggestions for working with beliefs and agreements:
· Journal about where you feel stuck or unhappy in your life. List 3-4 reasons why you’re not moving forward. What underlying belief might be holding you back?
· Sometimes other people try to put their beliefs onto us. Practice saying these words, either silently or out loud: “I don’t agree to that” and “I no longer agree to that.”
· Watch for statements beginning with the phrases “I always…” or “I never…”. These often signal agreements.
· Cue into the energy when other people are speaking. Agreements have a ring of finality about them when spoken, as if nothing else could ever be true. An unhealthy agreement will feel heavy.
· Some agreements are healthy, such as the contract we make with ourselves to brush and floss our teeth twice a day. What agreements have you made that are serving you?