In any given moment, we do the best we can.
Most of us realize that. But we get confused because “our best” fluctuates. It shifts from day to day, even from moment to moment. Our best effort today is not the same as our best effort yesterday, nor will it be the same as our best effort tomorrow. Our moods vary, our energy levels vary, even our abilities vary. We may be more in our body and more in our heart today than we were yesterday, or we may have more information today than we had yesterday.
We forget this, which can lead to having regrets about something we did or said in the past. We can always see more clearly after the fact, and quite often, once we’re away from the situation, the “perfect thing” to say or do comes to us. (See Replaying a scene to let go of regrets.)
If we spend too much time with these regrets, it might lead to playing the guilt, shame and blame game with ourselves. We might think, “I could have” or “I should have.”
And we forget that in the original moment, we did the best we could.
There’s a far gentler and more loving way to proceed once we begin spiraling downward. We can make a choice to stop the cycle of self-defeating thoughts by saying to ourselves, “Stop! I no longer agree to treat myself like this.” And then by choosing to forgive ourselves for our actions and trust we did the best we could at that moment.
And now in this moment, doing our best means letting the regret go, forgiving ourselves and moving forward wiser.