Think of the last time someone said something that made you angry. In relating the incident to a friend, you might have used the words, “He or she really pushed my buttons.”
We all have buttons, those sore spots that produce a rapid emotional response such as hurt or anger. When pushed, buttons propel us back to a time we felt vulnerable, often childhood.
We don’t usually have to look too hard to find an instance where our buttons have been pushed. Those closest to us – significant others, siblings, parents, children – know us intimately. When acting from their wounds, they can push our buttons without much effort. They know from experience what hurts us and evokes a reaction.
But buttons actually serve us. Our life is a healing journey, and the Universe conspires on our behalf to help us heal, sending us repeated opportunities to learn about ourselves. Our buttons getting pushed are a neon sign with flashing lights and pointing arrows saying, “Look here! Wound! Healing needed!”
Here’s how buttons work. Think back to elementary school. Perhaps a child on the playground called you ugly. If you were a child who felt beautiful, who had parents and other adults around who mirrored your beauty to you on a regular basis, then being called ugly during an isolated incident on the playground would not be likely to hurt your feelings. You would shrug it off, confident in the knowledge that you were beautiful and loved.
Now imagine that you were a child with emotionally abusive parents who frequently told you how ugly you were. Being called ugly by a classmate would evoke a far different response. You might withdraw into yourself and let the words weigh on you. You might lash out in hurt and anger toward the child who teased you.
If unhealed, the button continues on into adulthood, waiting to be pushed again and again. Because the Universe wants us to heal, it will send us opportunities, maybe in the form of an abusive spouse or a dysfunctional workplace, to mirror the wound from childhood and point out our unfinished business.
When this button gets pushed, the old emotions from childhood of feeling ugly and unloved come back. Whatever patterns of behavior have developed in response to the wound become activated – acting out, raging, withdrawing or numbing out, to name just a few common “coping” strategies we humans use.
It’s never too late to heal old wounds. Begin by holding the intent that you wish to heal. Ask Spirit to show you a button. Be prepared for it to come either as a new awareness but more likely as an actual circumstance to learn from directly.
Once you’ve identified a wound, take a closer look. Observe it objectively as a third party to help separate from the emotion. Underneath the drama and the story is real pain wanting attention and healing. For example, below the drama of a messy divorce may be a young child who just wants to be loved unconditionally.
Use this to help identify what you most want from others. Is it attention? Respect? Love? Then ask yourself how you can provide that for yourself. What one step can you take today to give yourself attention/respect/love? Start small and build from there. When we give ourselves care and nurturing in this manner, it soothes our wounds.
Over time, when your buttons get pushed, you’ll stop your automatic response and act in a manner fully aligned with your higher self. You’ll know you’ve healed that button when something which used to be a trigger fails to evoke a response.
Some suggestions for working with buttons:
· Watch for automatic responses and use them to track unhealed wounds.
· Bring light to the wound and hold it in loving awareness. Forgive yourself and others. True healing happens in a place without shame, blame or judgment.
· Examine any strong emotional responses you’ve had recently. Oftentimes they’re an indicator of a button that’s been pushed.
· Look at underlying beliefs you hold about yourself or the world which may be enabling your would to remain active. Work on shifting those beliefs.
· If you’re having a hard time identifying the underlying wound in a situation, look at several examples that feel similar and pinpoint a common theme.
· Ponder this: where or how do you push other people’s buttons?