When I was a little girl, someone gifted me with a book of paper dolls – the kind meant to be punched out along the perforations and then dressed with the outfits, held on by fold-over tabs.
I was 4 years old – young enough to still take afternoon naps and old enough to resent it. Later that day, my mother was going to help me punch out the paper dolls and the doll clothes. But I knew what that meant – she would punch them out while I watched.
So when she put me down for my nap, I snuck the book of paper dolls into bed and used my nap time to punch them out myself. Except my little fingers weren’t very dexterous, and the doll clothes came out of the book in pieces.
But I learned and refined my technique as I went, and then – on the last page of the book – a perfect outfit all in one piece!
As I proudly finished with that last perfect outfit, my mother came into my bedroom to check on me. She found me sitting in bed amid the torn paper dolls and was dismayed I had ruined my toy.
But I felt differently. I had fun punching them out and felt satisfaction at working my way toward that one perfect outfit.
This reminds me of our spiritual journey. It’s not about arriving at our destination unruffled and free of blemish, it’s about the discoveries and the joy we experience along the way.
My little 4-year-old girl understood that it’s about taking on something just a little bit past our skill level and then trying, experimenting, stretching and growing, trying some more, and finally mastering the task – and in doing so, finding great joy in the process.
How often do we hold ourselves back, fearful of trying something new because we might not do it right? Just how unrealistic is it to expect mastery the first few times we try out a new skill? And when did we start being so hard on ourselves?
When we take away the heavy expectations and allow ourselves the freedom to play like a 4-year-old, the process of trying something new, adjusting, then persevering until the skill develops can be fun and joyous.
Will you join me in treating ourselves more gently?
Debra, this is a great blog. I remember my own set of learning journeys which my mother saw as a mess or she felt I did something bad on purpose. I hope parents read this and look at their children differently. I hope they can see through the child’s eyes and congratulate them on learning. Like the little child who works hard to paint a mural on the hallway wall, when the adult sees the opposite. I think as adults, we can forget what it was like to have the awe and wonder we did as 4 year olds or as young children. I agree we need to get back to that state of mind.Now when I see a child’s work, I approach them like I would have wanted. They always have the biggest smile on their face when they tell me what they discovered.
Elliot, thank you for your thoughtfulness, caring and loving heart in encouraging and mirroring the children around you. 🙂