The people nearby often mirror to us. Our children, spouses, siblings, parents, friends and even pets show us something about ourselves through the mirror of other. When we pay attention, we can see aspects of ourselves reflected in their personalities and behaviors. In reading these mirrors, we gain important insights into who we are.
Several years ago, my three cats taught me about mirroring. Here’s the story:
Teddy was a big, laidback, affectionate boy kitty who loved to snuggle. For a week, he wanted more attention than normal, rubbing against my ankles every time I stood or sat still for more than a minute or two. After what felt like the hundredth time, it became frustrating to stop what I was doing and give him the attention he wanted. This frustration led to guilt over not being a better pet parent, then to a realization that he was mirroring the little girl part of me who craved affection and wanted nothing more than to be loved and cradled. How could I be frustrated at that? So when he came around for attention, I picked him up and imagined cradling and hugging my little girl at the same time. Both Teddy and my little girl felt loved.
Over the next few days, my attention shifted to Mollie. Always active with a short attention span, Mollie liked to rocket around the house and get into things. She wanted lots of activity and play. She found it great fun to circumvent the living room at ceiling level. She’d jump from the top of the cat tree to the bookcases, then do a gymnastics balance beam maneuver across the top of the curtain rods in the large picture window, jumping from there to the entertainment center and finally down to the floor. All of this at top speed, sometimes running it like a circuit several times in a row. And I came to realize Mollie mirrored to me my adventurous, daring warrior part – a side of me that hadn’t been indulged much lately but wanted to come out and play.
With my next breath, I became aware of a tenderness around my heart and a thought. If Teddy and Mollie were both mirroring something to me, what was Kitty mirroring? Because of the signs of fear arising in my body, I knew opening this door meant an opportunity for healing. Ignoring the increased heartbeat and the fluttering in my stomach, I took a deep breath and allowed the awareness to come.
Kitty tended to sit back and hold herself apart from Teddy and Mollie. She watched them getting attention and playing together with jealousy and anger. She wanted it for herself too but didn’t know how to ask for it. As an observer, I could see very clearly that all she needed to do to shift this was to stop lashing out at them and allow it to happen. She could have all the affection and play she wanted from them and from me.
This mirror was harder to look at. Kitty represented the part of me who held myself aloof from others. The part who wanted love more than anything in the world but didn’t trust it. The part who, in order to heal, all she needed to do was open her heart. And with that realization, the tenderness around my heart fell away, and my energy shifted. My chest felt much lighter and new possibilities opened up. I continued to sit with this energy over the next few days, and as I felt drawn, I put my hands over my heart and breathed deeply into my chest and allowed the energy of love to flow in.
I’m forever grateful to Teddy and Mollie and Kitty for being conduits of healing and teaching me about myself.
What might you learn about yourself through looking at the mirror of other?