In my “Healthy Boundaries for Empaths” class, we learn seven tools to be more comfortable with our sensitivity to energy. As we practice each technique, we track the limiting agreements that arise. I call these the “yah, buts…”. As in, “Yah, but that tool wouldn’t work for me because _________{ fill in the blank }_________.”
Whatever follows the start of that sentence is almost always a limiting belief – a story that we have told ourselves about how we must act or view the world in order to feel safe or loved.
Here are some examples:
· “Yah, but I have to be in control.”
· “Yah, but I’m responsible for other people’s emotions.”
· “Yah, but I must keep the peace.”
· “Yah, but I can’t show my anger.”
· “Yah, but I must follow the rules.”
While these agreements may have been true in childhood or at some other time in the past, they now hold us back from embodying our True Self. They restrain us from acting freely in the moment, choosing a response from our expanded repertoire as wise, spiritually aware adults.
Here are some ways to identify limiting agreements:
· Watch for the “yah, buts…” in your thoughts. Particularly pay attention when a close friend, counselor or spiritual teacher makes a suggestion. Listen in as the “yah, buts…” form.
· Cue into statements you casually drop into conversation that begin with the phrase “I always…” or “I never…”. These often signal agreements.
· Notice the energy when other people are speaking. Agreements have a ring of finality about them, as if nothing else could ever be true. A limiting agreement will feel heavy, and the energy of the conversation will drop abruptly. Train yourself to track similar shifts in energy when you’re speaking.
· Journal about where you feel stuck or unhappy in your life. List 3-4 reasons why you’re not moving forward and then notice any common themes in your responses. What underlying belief may be holding you back?
Once we identify a limiting agreement, there are many techniques to shift the underlying energy:
· Do a simple ceremony to release the energy of the old agreement. For example, you might write it down, focus on your intention to release the energy, then burn the paper.
· Use the power of the void to transform the old agreement. Middle World shaman Betsy Bergstrom teaches a ritual. Write the old agreement on a piece of paper. Wrap it in black cloth, along with a picture or object that represents the energy of the old agreement. Tuck the bundle away at the back of a top shelf in a closet and forget about it. Allow the power of the void, the place of dark creative energy, to transform the agreement.
· Use your breath to release the heavy energy of the old agreement as it comes up. Pause, get grounded in your body, then breathe deeply and consciously. Allow the energy of the old agreement to move out.
· Schedule an appointment with a shamanic healer or other energy worker to help shift the energy. For instance, I offer private sessions to unravel limiting agreements in person or via a phone appointment.
· Set a new intention to support you in moving forward. This is usually the opposite of the old belief. For example, you might replace a belief that the world is a frightening place with, “I am always safe and held by Spirit.”
· Put up your hand and say, “Stop! I no longer agree to this!” whenever the old agreement comes up. Then repeat your new intention like a mantra.
· Be a neutral observer when the old agreement arises. Remaining in a space of non-judgment and non-engagement stops it from feeding off your energy.
· Pause when the old agreement comes up. Reflect, choose, then act in accordance with your new intention.
Old agreements are best unraveled in a place of spaciousness. The more kind and gentle we can be with ourselves in the process, the smoother the release. As we continue to hold our new intention in our awareness, the energy begins to shift, leading to a positive change.