Growing up, I remember many meals sitting at the kitchen table after everyone else was done, looking at the meat on my plate. I didn’t like the texture. It was overcooked and stringy. I would chew and chew and eventually force myself to choke it down.
My mom wouldn’t let me leave the table until everything on my plate was gone. Even now years later, I’ll clean my plate even if I’m full.
These childhood experiences began my journey with food. The unintended consequence led to shutting off my natural instincts around hunger and nutrition. I learned to keep eating even if I was full.
In other words, my instincts were injured.
Humans (and all animals) are born in touch with our natural instincts. As babies, we cry when we’re uncomfortable, eat when we’re hungry, sleep when we’re tired, and soil our diapers when we’re ready to eliminate.
And then life happens. We receive messages first from our families of origin and then from larger society when we start school. The messages come in a variety of ways – some verbal and others nonverbal, some sent purposely and others unconsciously.
The intention behind this programming is to help us fit into our families, to grow into what our parents consider good citizens and responsible adults, and to make it easier for others to deal with us. But a lot of what we’re taught isn’t healthy. These early experiences reprogram what we know to be true about caring for our well-being.
The term “Instinct injury” was coined by Clarissa Pinkola Estés in her well-known book “Women Who Run with the Wolves.” Instinct injury describes what happens when we lose the ability to follow our innate, natural knowingness and care for ourself in certain basic ways. Instinct injury thwarts our ability to access the full healthy response of our being to survive and thrive.
Instinct injury happens in two basic areas:
1) On a physical level. When our natural instincts on how to care for our physical body and well-being are disrupted, it might affect our wisdom around living in touch with our internal body clock, getting proper nutrition and exercise, enjoying sex, taking breaks from work to play and rejuvenate, or fleeing situations of physical danger.
2) On a soul level. Instinct injury can also harm our being and what we need to thrive through disrupting our core soul needs. Examples are meeting our needs for connection, freedom, expression of emotion, and healthy love.
Both painful events or repeated programming over time can injure our natural instincts. Instinct injury is almost always accompanied by soul loss and limiting agreements.
Being ridiculed or shamed for having needs also leads to instinct injury. Humans avoid pain, so we change our behavior to avoid punishment or negative energy.
Although instinct injury often arises from childhood programming, this dynamic can also happen in adulthood in unhealthy relationships or workplace situations. Peer pressure is an example of an attempt to override our natural instincts. Bosses who micromanage teach us to do only what we’re told – an example of disruption to our soul need for contribution and meaningful work.
Sometimes we shut down our own instincts in order to fit in or to stay safe. This decision comes at a price. We lose a piece of our soul – some amount of freedom, joy, or vitality.
It’s possible to undo instinct injury over time. Working with a therapist or counselor can begin to challenge our assumptions, and working with a shamanic healer can shift the energy holding the instinct injury in place.
If our parents were controlling, we might not ever have been offered choices as a child. Because of this, we might not even know our own likes and dislikes or how to meet our own needs. Working on our own, we can begin by asking ourselves a filter question when we reach a decision point: “What do I want or need in this moment?” or “What do I believe about this?” We might also tune into our body periodically and ask what it needs or wants. Sometimes it’s helpful to start the process with smaller questions that have less impact such as asking what we want to wear today or eat for our next meal.
Checking in with our own knowingness disrupts the stuck energy and begins to reprogram the instinct injury. It shows our being we have the autonomy to make choices in our life and leads to identifying other areas of instinct injury. Gradually, we can learn to trust our innate wisdom once again and live in greater connection with our True Self.
This work is real, and it matters.
March 22, 2022