Social engagement is a powerful tool in working through trauma. We might schedule an appointment with a therapist and ask them to witness. We might reach out to a trusted friend and share. We might ask a loved one to hold us. Being around another human who is steady and solid helps our central nervous system return to regulation.
When we are triggered, having a sense of containment can lead to feeling safe. Containment helps provide a boundary, and it gives us a sense of being held, similar to swaddling a fussy baby. It can be deeply comforting, especially when we’re ungrounded.
Sometimes when we’re in an unsettled place, no one is immediately around to help us with social engagement or containment. There is a simple tool we can do for ourselves in those moments. This technique also works when we’re feeling anxious.
Get a long scarf or shawl that fits around your body with extra fabric to spare. Wrap it around your upper arms at mid-chest level with the opening in the front. Crisscross the two ends in front of your heart. Pull on the ends of the scarf to provide gentle pressure. You will feel this across your arms and a little bit on your back. Do this for a minute or two and then release the pressure. Pause for a minute or so, then apply gentle pressure again.
If you’re not used to the sensation of being held, or if you have ruptured attachment bonds, doing this technique for too long can be triggering. So listen to what is happening somatically. Notice if your heartbeat picks up, if your breathing becomes constricted, or if you feel like running away or shutting down. If uncomfortable sensations arise or if it gets to be too much, stop. Don’t try to push through.
Healing from trauma is not about soldiering through – it’s about listening to our body and being kind and gentle to ourselves.
If you need someone to hold space for you to return to greater balance and harmony, please reach out to a shamanic healer or a Somatic Experiencing practitioner who can help you release the energy of trauma in your body.
This work is real, and it matters.
August 23, 2021