My legacy
As far back as I can remember, I have not had a strong desire to be a mother. This thought crystallized in high school, when I reached the conclusion I didn’t want to have children. On my 39th birthday I revisited this to see whether it was still true. I checked in with myself and sat with the question. At 39, my biological clock was ticking. If something had changed for me, I would need to take action sooner rather than later. The reflection took less than 24 hours, and I realized I still didn’t want to have children. So I went about my...
The witness observer
A few years ago, I had been having a really good day. I was grounded and centered in my own being, and there were no pressing matters on the internal landscape. I was in a good space. That afternoon I made a quick shopping trip to Farm & Fleet. The cashier at the checkout was having a leisurely conversation with a customer ahead of me. When she turned her attention to scanning my items, she was extremely slow. I instantly moved into a place of frustration and impatience. Luckily my edginess didn’t come out in words or actions. Even in the...
The story of my father’s passing
It’s hard to believe that it’s been seven years ago today that my dad died. Grief stretches and bends time. In some ways, it feels like just last year and in other ways it seems like an eternity. I’m reposting the story that I wrote several months after his death as a way of honoring his passing. I remain grateful for my spiritual path and my shamanic training for preparing me and giving me the tools to be present with death. This work is real, and it matters. + + + + + + + + + + + THE STORY OF MY FATHER’S PASSING (Written May 2015) The call...
The timing and flow of healing
There is a timing and a flow to healing. For about a year I’ve been working with my therapist to find different ways to process trauma and heavy energy. On several occasions she suggested that I expand my energy field and create a larger container than my physical body can comfortably hold. She made this suggestion numerous times, and I just didn’t get it. It sailed straight over my head. I never tried it. I never played with it. I wasn’t curious. Her advice just didn’t resonate until this fall when I was preparing to teach a four-day...
Learning to recognize anxiety
I first began to notice anxiety in my mid thirties, still new to my spiritual path. After attending a weekend class where a significant piece of old programming released, I went home and began to integrate the shift. The next day I noticed an odd feeling in my chest. It wasn’t something I remembered experiencing before. There was a pronounced stirring in my breast area. My heart felt jittery, like it could take off racing at any time. My chest was tight, and I had difficulty drawing a full breath. My respirations felt shallow, like they were...
Limiting agreements – part 4 – integrating
I noticed a definite shift in my energy the morning after unraveling the limiting agreement that my body is a tool to use without regard for its needs. I woke up feeling lighter, more optimistic, and more open to possibilities. Before getting out of bed and several times throughout the day, I repeated my new, healthier intention: “I consistently make kind and loving choices for my body.” I was drawn to make myself something to eat, so I cooked an egg bake that would provide healthy breakfast for the week. The ingredients had been sitting in...