I grew up in rural Minnesota in the 1960s and ‘70s where it was common practice to visit neighbors.
Before I started elementary school and then over summers, Mom and I would occasionally have coffee with great aunt Florence.
I would play by myself while they talked and eventually make my way over to Florence and sit next to her at the kitchen table. She would gently stroke my forearm, and I would feel a deep sense of peace. This is one of my favorite memories from childhood. I felt safe, seen, and unconditionally loved.
Fifty years later, I can recall that feeling just by thinking about it.
I purposely bring this scene to mind when I get triggered. Just by remembering it, that same feeling of safety, acceptance, and unconditional love unfolds in my body and calms my nervous system.
The Somatic Experiencing word for this is “resourcing.” It’s thinking about someone we love who brings a sense of joy or support. We don’t connect to that person and take their energy – we just fully embody the feeling of strength, stability, and ease that unfolds in our body. It’s called resourcing because it makes more of our natural attributes available to us.
Bringing to mind a pet, place, or thing that we connect with can also help us access our resources.
Memories of cuddling with a beloved feline companion are also comforting and reassuring when I’m triggered. Nature is a source of solace for me, so I might remember a favorite encounter with an animal or a bird, or perhaps the sense of being in a holy place amongst the redwoods in Muir Forest. An onyx paperweight given to me by Florence sits on my desk, and just by looking at it I feel her love.
These precious memories can guide our healing and help our bodies remember their natural state of balance.
This work is real, and it matters.
(This is a stock photo of redwood trees. I chose this image because it shows the scale of their size. Walking in Muir Forest was like being in a cathedral. When I need to be reminded of my strength, this is one of the memories I resource from.)
November 11, 2021